Messy

Healing of the heart is a very interesting affair.

You have to muster all your courage to face it- face the scary replay of the incident from start to finish- only to realize that after you've gone through it all, it has no power against you any more.

And only then can the journey to restoration truly begin.

Bit by bit, almost as though there is a process for it all, and ultimately, the most important thing for healing to take place.. is Time.

Giving yourself time to sort the difference between your distraught emotions and your logical thoughts.

And always, you will find that the worst is over.. and maybe, just maybe, your emotions are the ones exaggerating the fear and trauma of it all.

Not to belittle the experience that you had, but to those of us who lived through it, you are stronger because of it.

I think what shook me the most was how powerless and weak I felt.

There was just so much anger that in me, and an inner vow to never let anybody get close to me to do that again. I would never let myself in that situation.. and even if it happens again, this time, I'll come out screaming and fighting as if my life depends on it.

And in a way, it does.

Because I think I'd just die if I have to go through something like that again.

Sorry if this post isn't what you expect to read from me. 

Life is messy when humans are involved.. and so I'm not ashamed of my mess any more.

It's more about how the Big guy up there takes all the mess and weaves out something exquisite along the way.